


6 Months (Iwaizumi x Oikawa)

by Justmezey



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29936790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justmezey/pseuds/Justmezey
Summary: It had been 3 years. Iwaizumi and Oikawa had not seen each other for 3 years. Iwaizumi was looking forward to Oikawa coming back from Argentina, but everything turned out differently than planned. The day they finally saw each other again was also supposed to be their last day.A cry for help from his best friend leads Iwaizumi to do everything he can to give Oikawa a purpose in life, but will he succeed or will every attempt be in vain in the end?(As soon as I have finished writing the story, I will revise each chapter individually! Since English is not my first language, I'm working on making the story understandable for everyone anyway!)
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, oikawa tooru / Iwai
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. The day he was supposed to die

It was the first time in 3 years that Iwaizumi and Oikawa saw each other again in person. The former ace smiled. Oikawa had spent the last few years in Argentina while he himself was in Japan. He wonders if his best friend was better off than he was then. He had worried that Oikawa would have been lonely, but he also knew that the idiot always made friends easily. That had been his way, and Iwaizumi didn't think that was a bad thing in any case. He looked out the window. Oikawa was going to call before he got to his house but Iwaizumi could imagine that he had forgotten - or why was he so late? He took his cell phone out of his pocket to see if he had missed a call or a message, but there was nothing.

It was now 6:30 in the afternoon and Oikawa should have been there around 6p.m. and he wasn't there yet. Was he delayed by fans? It was true that his friend had always been very kind to his fans and had never refused them anything, but for so long? Hajime closed his eyes and sank into thoughts. He would never admit it openly, but he had missed him. Even if he wanted to punch him more often and staple his mouth shut so that he could never again say such nonsense, he had missed him. Maybe it was exactly this stupidity that he admired so much. This naivety made it incredibly difficult and at the same time incredibly easy to help him.

**Iwaizumi**

**Where are you, dumbass?**

**Oikawa**

**I'm on my way, Iwa-chan!**

**I got held up, I'm really sorry**

**I should be there in 20 minutes.**

**I promise!**

**Iwaizumi**

**I hope so for your sake, shittykawa**

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. There was a 0% chance that his best friend would be there in 20 minutes. 20 minutes basically meant he should be there in 30 to 45 minutes. The boy went to the kitchen and took out a frozen pizza. "Heat it up for 10 minutes and leave it in the oven for 10 to 15 minutes. So if I heat up the oven in 5 to 10 minutes, it should be enough," he mumbled and stretched. He was too clumsy to cook and he didn't want to order anything - the frozen pizza was the ideal invention for him.

The doorbell rang. Iwaizumi, who had just taken the pizza out of the oven, answered the door and looked at the clock with a smirk. 7:08p.m. He was late, as expected. He opened the door to see Oikawa freezing in front of him with a backpack. His friend had barely grown, but the fact that he was taller than Hajime despite everything annoyed him immensely. "Unpunctual as usual." said Iwaizumi with a grin. "I dropped my cases off at home and then got a little delayed," Oikawa replied, stepping into the apartment. "There's no 'I missed you' or anything like that?", Iwaizumi wanted to know as he closed the door behind Oikawa. Tooru turned to his best friend and opened his arms. "Of course I missed you, Iwa-chan!" he said. Iwaizumi shook his head with a laugh. "You'll have to earn your hug," he said. After pouting for a moment, Oikawa looked at him hungrily. "It smells like pizza." he whispered as if he was afraid someone would hear. "Special for you, it's waiting for you in the living room."

"Now would you like to tell me why you are no longer in Argentina?"

"I missed Japan."

"How long are you staying here?"

"I don't know yet. My contract in CA San Juan is up and I was thinking about playing in Japan again."

"Did you get an offer then?", Iwaizumi now wondered. Oikawa sighed. "I'm not really in the mood to talk about volleyball," he replied honestly. Iwaizumi nodded slowly.

"I saw you met with Tobio," Oikawa said with his mouth full.

"Don't talk with your mouth full, dumbass. Yes, we met by chance - how do you know?"

Oikawa swallowed his slice of pizza. "Because you uploaded a picture with him, idiot. How did he get on?"

Iwaizumi looked at him skeptically. "Since when do you care about something like that? He's developed really well, it's obvious - you shouldn't be surprised. But in terms of character, he hasn't changed at all. Temperamental and yet so quiet." he answered.

"I do hope you say the same about me!" responded Oikawa amused.

"What, that you're temperamental and yet so calm? That would be the biggest lie ever!" said Iwaizumi innocently.

"You know that's not what I mean! That I've evolved well. Better than him...?"

Iwaizumi looked at him and couldn't help but think of how wonderful he could beat him right now. "You're an arrogant asshole, but I'm sure you've evolved. What did you do in Argentina?"

The rest of the time at dinner, Oikawa talked about his time in Argentina. The player smiled and laughed, but Iwaizumi didn't have the feeling that he was really happy at that moment. Was he hiding something from him? Had he lied to him? Or had Iwaizumi perhaps done or said something that had hurt him?

"I'll just clean up the kitchen. You do..whatever you want in that time.", Iwaizumi explained. Oikawa nodded. "I'll go to the balcony, okay? I love the view here.", he replied and looked at the balcony. The former ace nodded. " Do that.", he muttered and went to the kitchen.

Oikawa talked and talked and Iwaizumi felt like he just couldn't stop. He liked listening to him because there was something soothing about it, but he didn't know if he could hold back or if he would eventually tape his mouth shut. Slowly, he noticed that the TV was turned up louder. "Sometimes I really think he's a deaf idiot," he muttered, continuing to wash the dishes. When Oikawa said nothing at all, Hajime froze. It was too quiet for his best friend.

He went into the living room and saw Oikawa sitting on the balcony railing. Without hesitation, he went to the balcony and held Oikawa by the shoulder. "This is dangerous, Tooru." he said, holding him even tighter. "Don't be such a wet blanket, Iwa-chan! The worst that could happen would be for me to fall down here," he whispered. Didn't he know that this wasn't a harmless scenario? Hajime didn't realize until he turned Oikawa's face toward him that tears were rolling down his face. "What's wrong?" he asked him softly. "Why are you holding me, Iwaizumi? Why can't you let go of me? Why can't I let you down?"


	2. I promise

Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa down from the balcony railing and looked at him with wide eyes. "Please don't hurt yourself, Oikawa," the shorter man muttered. Oikawa smiled tiredly at him. "I wanted one last meal with you so that our last memory would be beautiful, Iwa-chan. Then why can't I get it done? Why do I get so weak at the sight of you?" he wanted to know quietly. "Because we're best friends, Tooru. Because we' ve always been," Hajime explained. Oikawa wiped away his tears and looked into the distance. "I can't find any sense." he whispered. Iwaizumi now noticed that Oikawa was trembling. "Come inside with me, please. It's really cold." he said, slowly pulling him inside. It hurt him to see how blank Oikawa's expression was. "Give me some time, Oikawa. I'll show you that your life isn't meaningless. I'll give you a purpose for living."

Oikawa sat on the sofa and stared at the table while Iwaizumi made him something warm to drink. "Hot chocolate?" asked Iwaizumi from the kitchen. "Yes, please," Oikawa replied loudly enough for Hajime to hear. While the milk was boiling, Iwaizumi looked for marshmallows. After all, Tooru loved those with hot chocolate.

He came back into the living room with two cups. "Did something happen?" he asked as he put the cups down. He looked at his friend. His posture was completely different from when he was in school. Of course, Iwaizumi knew about his depression, but he had no idea it had gotten this bad. "Not really, no.", Oikawa answered honestly and picked up his cup. "Not really?". Oikawa nodded and sipped his drink. "I have such an emptiness inside me," he then explained. Iwaizumi looked him in the eye. "An emptiness?" he wanted to know. Again, Oikawa nodded. "It's not that I'm sad all the time. I just don't have fun playing volleyball anymore. In general, I don't feel much joy. As I said, that doesn't mean I'm sad all the time! I'm just not excited either. It's like I'm an empty shell.". Iwaizumi bit his lower lip. Not even having fun playing volleyball anymore?"And that's why you don't see any point in life anymore?", he tried to understand. "Right.". Iwaizumi now took his hot chocolate as well. "I'll stick with it, Tooru. I'll show you that life can be beautiful too. I won't let you die. I promise I won't."

"What if I have an accident?", Oikawa wanted to know with a smirk. Iwaizumi lightly boxed him against the arm. "I won't let you do that either, dumbass," he replied. Oikawa sighed and looked at him. "I'm not going to stop you. In fact, I'd like it if you could succeed.", he murmured taking another sip. "Now don't look so sad! Honestly, don't look so sad, please.", he added. Iwaizumi smiled slightly. "Let's play volleyball on Monday," Iwaizumi said. "Two of us?" Oikawa asked confused. Iwaizumi shook his head. "I'm sure I can get some people from our old team together," he replied, looking at his cell phone. He was still in contact with most of them, as he had always watched their games, and he had even trained with players like Kyotani (mad dog) from time to time. Maybe Oikawa would enjoy playing with them again. "And where should we do that?". Iwaizumi jumped up when he heard Oikawa. "I still have Irihata's number. I can ask him if we can use the Aoba Johsai hall when it's free - you know they always take a break on Mondays," he replied thoughtfully. That might actually work. Oikawa had to restrain himself from laughing. "You mean they're all still here?". He hadn't thought that far ahead. "Then only a few people will come, so what? We can do a two-on-two or three-on-three, after all. Don't worry about it.", Iwaizumi replied and started thinking about who might come. Kunimi? Would never agree. Kyotani would definitely come. Maybe Yahaba and Kindaichi would come, too. He was still in contact with Matsukawa, so he would definitely say yes. Oikawa snapped in front of Iwazumi's face. "Are you still here?"

"Yes, sorry. I was in thoughts.", Iwaizumi replied. "Do you promise to give me a chance to help you?", Iwaizumi wanted to know anxiously. Oikawa nodded and then smirked. "You wouldn't take a no for an answer anyway, Iwa-chan," and he was right about that. Iwaizumi had promised him - he wouldn't let him die.

The time until Monday went by way too fast. Iwaizumi spent the days making a lot of phone calls and planning. Fortunately for him, some players, including even Kunimi, were able to come. He had researched on the internet what else could be done to have fun, but most of it just didn't fit Oikawa. One thing he really wanted to do was build a snowman with Oikawa. He had loved that as a kid and they hadn't done it in probably 10 years. It was cold, but there wasn't any snow yet. It was already late November so it would probably take a while before it snowed. Iwaizumi sighed as he still had to wait outside for Oikawa. "That boy just never shows up on time," he muttered, looking up at his room. They were going to walk to school together and then meet the others, but if Oikawa took that much time, they might be gone again by the time they got there. He wondered if he should ring the bell. Oikawa's parents had always been nice to him, but once they started talking to him, he knew he wouldn't be able to leave for several hours.

"There you are!", Iwaizumi said with relief when he saw Oikawa. "I'm sorry I really thought I would be ready on time.", the former captain quickly apologized. "At least you apologize, shittykawa.", Hajime replied with a smile. He immediately noticed that Tooru was cold. "Got used to the weather there in Argentina?" he wanted to know shaking his head as they started walking. His friend nodded, annoyed. "I'm looking forward to warming up," he muttered shivering. Iwaizumi took off his scarf . "At least this will keep you a little warm," he said, wrapping his scarf around Oikawa's neck. He heard something like, "Thank you." before they continued walking. "I like the smell of that scarf. Did you rewash it?", Oikawa wanted to know curiously. Iwaizumi looked at him a little wryly. "Oikawa, the scarf just smells like me."


	3. Volleyball

Oikawa blushed slightly and then gave him a smirk. "As often as you shower, that counts as newly washed," he replied, hiding his face in Iwaizumis scarf. Iwaizumi sighed. "You really are an idiot, Oikawa.", he muttered and looked at him from the side. Now he had his usual attitude again, which Hajime already knew from his school days. He hated the fact that he couldn't tell if this was fake or real.

"Hello coach.", Oikawa said to Irihata. Coach greeted the two boys and handed them the key to the gym. "You know where to hang the key later. Maybe I will check on you later.", he said with a proud smile. Iwaizumi and Oikawa thanked him and went to the gym waiting already. "Who else is coming?", Oikawa wanted to know. "Matsukawa, Kunimi, Kyotani, Yahaba, Kindaichi and Watari. They should be there soon, too.", Hajime explained. "And you said we'd be late because of me.", the former captain complained with a grin.

Now Oikawa realized that Kunimi was also coming. "How could you persuade Kunimi?" he asked honestly. "Maybe he just felt like it?" commented Iwaizumi with a laugh. Oikawa looked at him with raised eyebrows. "All right. I'll give him lots and lots of salted caramel cookies. I had to bake those specially and it took forever," he admitted now. "That's one way to convince people, Iwa-chan. Let's get everything set up so we can get started as soon as we can."

"You guys are really working hard!" the boys heard from a too-familiar voice. "Mattsun!" said Oikawa enthusiastically, waving at him. "Why so late?" Iwaizumi then wanted to know. "To be honest, I just thought you'd be late anyway," Matsukawa replied with a wide grin. "Hello Iwaizumi.", he now said addressing Hajime. Matsukawa looked the same as before - except that he now wore a side parting and had slightly longer hair. "Where are the others?" he asked. "They should be here soon, too," Iwaizumi said. "Who should be there soon?" Kindaichi asked. "Told you so," muttered the former ace. Kunimi was already standing next to Kindaichi. "Only Watari, Kyotani, and Yahaba left." said Oikawa, sounding excited. Iwaizumi tried to understand if his friend was really excited or not. Kindaichi walked up to Iwaizumi and playfully poked his elbow into his side. "Why did you want the meeting so badly?" he wanted to know. "Well Shittykawa hasn't been here in a while and then I just missed you guys," Iwaizumi replied innocently. Kunimi's look spoke for him."Don't fuck with us" said a single look from his former teammate. Iwaizumi shrugged his shoulders. "I just missed you guys."

"Mad dog-chan, Yahaba! Then the only one missing is Watachi!" Oikawa said. "You still call Watari Watachi?", Matsukawa wanted to know. "After all, he still calls you Mattsun, Kyotani Mad dog-chan, me iwa-chan, and who knows what other nicknames he has in his head," Iwaizumi muttered. Oikawa looked at him in offense. "It doesn't matter! I'll remember your names better that way," he explained. "You've known us for years you asshole.", Iwaizumi replied. Kyotani stood next to Hajime and looked at him. "I'm ready to beat you at arm wrestling," he said with a serious look. Iwaizumi looked at him challengingly. "You know I haven't slacked off in the last few years, right?" he wanted to know. Kyotani nodded. "Neither have I, though."

"Iwa-chan, you really are a monster," Oikawa muttered enthusiastically. He had defeated Kyotani five out of five times. "I'll work on it some more," Kyotani said honestly. "Sorry for the delay!" came from the door. They saw Watari, the former libero, come in. "Never mind, Watachi. We all don't seem to have the sense of punctuality today," the player replied.

After the 8 had warmed up, Oikawa looked around. "So we're playing four against four?" he wanted to know. The others nodded. "We can mix up the teams during the day, after all," Iwaizumi said. "If I'm not playing with Oikawa, can I do the setter's job?" asked Watari. "Of course you can. I just have one condition - at least in the beginning, Kunimi plays with me on the team." commented Iwaizumi. Kunimi groaned in annoyance. "I know what you're up to," he muttered. "Yeah, making sure you play right." the former ace replied. "No need to be in a bad mood. We'll remix the teams later. So, how do you want to play?" while Oikawa said that, he had his typical 'it's okay' smile on. This was the one he always had when talking to the team. "How about Watari, me, Kunimi and Matsukawa against you, Kindaichi, Yahaba and Kyotani.", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa nodded slowly and smiled broadly. "So you still want to defeat me, Iwa-chan?" he wanted to know. "Of course I do, dumbass."

"Good reception.", Watari said to Kunimi. He passed the ball to the ace, who hit it in without any problems. "23 - 23. So it stays interesting.", Oikawa said with a smirk. Iwaizumi looked Oikawa in the eye. "You're afraid of losing, aren't you?" he asked. The former No. 1 shook his head. "I don't even believe in losing, Iwa-chan."

Iwaizumi liked playing against Oikawa because he could see his best friend slowly adapting to the players and getting the best out of everyone, but he liked playing with Oikawa on a team even more. His passes were so that he always had to give full 100%, but they were also so that it was hardly possible to be blocked. Iwaizumi had to admit that Oikawa's way of playing had improved even more than he first thought. 

"See, I told you I'd beat you," he said to Oikawa, drinking from his water bottle. "I'll get my revenge, don't worry," the setter muttered, watching Iwaizumi. When the setter felt that no one was looking at him, his expression went empty again. Iwaizumi froze - that look made his heartbeat stop. "You are not alone, Oikawa." said Hajime with a sad smile. "You will never be alone."


	4. Tell me your secret

Oikawa looked at him with a smile. "I know, Iwa-chan. I've never been alone." he said cheerfully. "We can do this together, right?" Iwaizumi told him. Oikawa nodded mutely. "What are you talking about so secretly here?", Matsukawa wanted to know. "About how Oikawa can't accept his defeat." Hajime replied with a smirk. "Don't worry about it, Tooru. We should play another set. In new teams?" Matsukawa thought out loud "I want to be on the team with Iwa-chan this time, though!" came from Oikawa. "Afraid of losing again?", Watari teased him. "Against Iwa-chan? Never! But I haven't played him in a long time.". Oikawa smiled at the former team. "Who dares to play against us, and who would rather play on our team?"

The new teams were grouped. Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Kindaichi and Watari against Kunimi, Matsukawa, Yahaba and Kyotani. Kunimi stretched and looked at Iwaizumi and Oikawa. "You guys look like enthusiastic middle schoolers." he muttered in annoyance, looking at Matsukawa with a look that said he wasn't going to do any more than he had to. "He gave me a lot more trouble in middle school than he does now, but he still had the excuse then that he was minimally cute. Now he's not even that anymore," Iwaizumi countered. "So you thought I was cute, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa grinned. "Used to? No. If I saw you as a middle schooler now, though, I'm sure I'd think you were cute, yeah." he simply replied. "You're really mean." Oikawa grumbled. "He's only like that to you," Matsukawa remarked. "And he hasn't hit you yet, either," Yahaba added. "You guys are really rude, you know that?" came dramatically from Oikawa. Iwaizumi smirked to himself. "You too, dumbass."

Oikawa's passes had actually become more accurate over time. Hajime couldn't help but think what had happened that someone like Oikawa, who lived for volleyball, no longer enjoyed playing it. Iwaizumi watched the games and never felt that he was getting weaker. On the contrary - Oikawa was probably one of the best players on the team. Was he under too much pressure? Did he not get along with his teammates? Iwaizumi could not imagine that. Someone like Oikawa, who could adapt so well to others, would surely get along with people. It just wouldn't suit Tooru if he didn't get along well with them. Had something else happened? Why didn't he tell him? They had always stayed in contact. Of course, the contact was only through texting and talking on the phone, but he always wanted to make his friend feel that he could talk to him. Had he not been able to do that? Did he fail at that?

The game was pretty even. The score was 16-15 in favor of Kunimi's team, and Iwaizumi began to notice that Oikawa's passes were getting faster, almost rushed. Was that the way it was in high school? No. The former ace didn't remember that. "Let's take a little break, shall we?" he suggested, looking intently at Tooru. "Is something wrong?" the setter wanted to know as the others grabbed their water bottles. "Are you okay, Tooru?" he wanted to know. Oikawa nodded in confusion. "Why do you ask?" he wondered. Was Iwaizumi just imagining it? Was he driving himself crazy because Oikawa didn't tell him? Why was he pretending so much?Iwaizumi sighed. "Your passes are getting faster and faster. I don't know if I can keep it up." he explained to his friend. Oikawa looked at him apologetically. "I didn't notice, sorry," he muttered. His expression softened as he noticed Iwaizumi's look. "You really shouldn't worry about me all the time, idiot! I'll be fine."

While cleaning up, Iwaizumi was shocked when Kunimi just stood behind him and stared at him. "Is everything okay?" he wanted to know. Kunimi held out his hand. "My cookies." was all he said. "Ah yes..there was something.", Iwaizumi muttered and went to his bag. "I've been baking for hours and you know I'm not the best in the kitchen so don't be too hard on me.", he said as he put the box of cookies in his hand. "Mhm.", Kunimi mumbled and turned back to leave. "You ended up being on a team with Oikawa, too, didn't you?" began Iwaizumi. Kunimi sighed. "So?" he wanted to know. "Did you notice anything about the way he played?" he asked in passing. Kunimi thought for a moment. "The longer you play the faster his passes become. Also, his right leg itched a lot towards the end - at least he had to scratch it more often," Kunimi explained. Iwaizumi nodded slowly. He had also noticed the fast passes, but he didn't notice that his leg was itching. He wondered if his knee is hurting more again. He looked at Oikawa wryly. "He doesn't want me to worry about him, but tells me absolutely nothing in return," he mumbled so quietly that no one could hear.

After the boys took their leave, Oikawa and Iwaizumi walked side by side again. "Here, your scarf." Oikawa said, but Iwaizumi shook his head. "This green color doesn't suit me anyway. Keep it.", Iwaizumi replied. "You're stupid.", Oikawa muttered and put the scarf back on. "Do you feel like watching a movie with me on Thursday?", Iwaizumi asked. "Why only Thursday?" the taller one wondered. "Because I'm a little stressed the next few days," he replied.

" Which movie do you want to watch?"

"The 15th detective conan movie? 15 minutes of silence?"

"We must have seen that one three times," Oikawa said with a laugh.

"And you cried every time Conan was buried in the snow."

"I cried because Ran was so desperate to find him and was crying."

"Is that a yes?"

Oikawa sighed. "If you can bake me some milk bread."

"I can't bake."

"I know."

"But I will, dumbass. I'll make the best milk bread you ever had. So Thursday at 5p.m at my place."

Oikawa looked at him with a triumphant smile. "I'll be on time."

"You won't."

"Yes I will, I promise!"

"If not, you are going to tell me a secret," Iwaizumi said. Oikawa swallowed and nodded. "And if I'm on time, you'll let mad dog-chan win once and listen to him say he's stronger than you for weeks."

"Deal."


	5. leg

Iwaizumi had been standing in the kitchen for 4 hours now and he still hadn't finished the milk bread. He looked annoyed at the clock. It was already 2:30p.m. and he wasn't making any progress. "I'm sticking to the recipe, why isn't it working?" he muttered and sighed. Secretly, he hoped that Oikawa would be late. He didn't care what little secret he would confide in him, it would be a secret. Hajime always thought that Oikawa would tell him everything, but that didn't seem to be the case. He sighed and opened the oven. "I'll just leave them in for 25 minutes this time," he said to himself and slid the milk bread rolls in.

**Oikawa:**

**How's it going with the milk bread?;)**

**Iwaizumi:**

**You will fall in love with them immediately**

**loserkawa**

**Oikawa:**

**I don't like these nicknames**

**Iwaizumi:**

**shittykawa then**

**Oikawa:**

**now you're just rude**

**anyways.. look what I found**

Iwaizumi got a picture of Oikawa in his old Aoba Johsai jersey and Iwaizumi's scarf

**Iwaizumi:**

**You wear my scarf at home?**

**Oikawa:**

**Don't get any ideas**

**I'm just freezing and your scarf keeps me warmer than-**

**than anything else in this house**

**idiot**

**why does this scarf keep you so warm too?**

**Iwaizumi:**

**Because I made it myself, dumbass**

**Oikawa:**

**Since when can you do that?**

**It's really good**

**I'm proud of you**

**Iwaizumi:**

**Don't treat me like a child**

**I did it because**

**I have no idea**

**I was probably bored**

**Oikawa:**

**and then you started knitting?**

**Iwaizumi:**

**better be happy to have something homemade from me**

**Oikawa:**

**I am, Iwa-chan!**

**maybe it's just instinct, but**

**didn't you want to take the milk bread out after ummm**

**after 25 minutes?**

Iwaizumi stood up rushing. How could he forget? He quickly went to the kitchen and opened the oven. He hated this heat. Sighing, he took out the milk bread rolls. "Not bad at all," he muttered.

Iwaizumi had already changed his clothes and picked out the DvD. He really liked this movie. He knew exactly what was going to happen, but it was a really good movie. it was just before 5p.m. If Oikawa took more than 10 minutes, he would be late and would lose.

The brown haired guy got out his list of activities he wanted to do with Oikawa to have nice memories and show him that life wasn't always so empty. On the list there seem to be some small things, like looking at the night sky, building a snowman, making snow angels, baking and going for a walk in the evening, but he also really wanted to make a bigger trip to Osaka for example or to an theme park. He wondered if Oikawa would agree to everything. Iwaizumi wasn't sure. Oikawa was sometimes over-motivated, but there were also times when he just wasn't motivated at all. He smiled slightly and plugged his laptop into the TV. "Then I'll just have to convince him."

At 5:13p.m the doorbell rang. Hajime went to the door with satisfaction and opened it. "Late, as usual," he said triumphantly. When he saw Oikawa, he regretted his tone. "Is everything all right?" he wanted to know and let Oikawa in. His friend sighed and asked if he could sit down. "Of course.", Hajime replied taking off Oikawas jacket.

"What happened, Tooru?"

"Nothing really happened."

"Not really?"

"I feel broken."

"Why?"

"I went to the doctor."

Iwaizumi froze. Judging by the look on Oikawa's face, it must be very bad. The setter sighed and looked up bitterly. "I can forget about volleyball," he said quietly. Iwaizumi looked at him in confusion.

"Since you won the bet - here's a secret. In Argentina, my knee started hurting more, which is why I lost the fun of volleyball over time. I had a hard time keeping it up on Monday, so I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I went to the doctor today and he recommends me to stop playing volleyball or just have a surgery. But the surgery does not assure me that everything will be ok. There is a 50% chance that everything will be fine. If it doesn't go as planned, I pretty much won't be allowed to play any more sports."

Iwaizumi reached out and took Oikawa's hand. His look was not really sad, but not completely blank either. He looked incredibly tired.

"Are you going to do it?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa just shrugged his shoulders and wiped away his tear. "Even if I lost the fun, it was a good distraction," he muttered.

"The risks are high, Tooru, and fifty percent is no small amount."

"I know. I'm not sure if I should take the chance. What for? I might not even keep playing."

Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa saw volleyball differently now than when he was younger, but hearing so directly that he might quit felt wrong. "How about coaching?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa looked at him in confusion. "You could be a coach, couldn't you?"

"Would that really be something for me?", Oikawa now wanted to know. "Of course it would! No matter what an asshole you were, you were the best captain we could have. I'm sure you'd be good as a coach, too!" retorted Iwaizumi. Oikawa sighed softly and yawned.

Hajime stood up and took the television remote control. He sat down next to Tooru and pointed to his lap. "Put your head on here and lie down. If you fall asleep, I'll just stop the movie so you don't miss the end," Hajime said. Oikawa nodded slowly and put his head on Iwaizumi's lap so that he was facing the TV. "The milk bread looks really yummy," he muttered. When he looked closer, he laughed softly. "Are those supposed to be little volleyballs?" he wanted to know. "Yeah, I thought you liked them that way, and like I said you're supposed to fall in love with them, dumbass."

Iwaizumi stroked Oikawa's hair, "You had them cut, didn't you?". Oikawa nodded. Then there was silence. When the typical detective Conan intro came, Tooru hesitated briefly. "I fell in love with them right away, idiot."


	6. 180 years

Iwaizumi watched Oikawa as he gave the movie his full attention. The smaller one was still playing with Oikawa's hair, as he noticed it was relaxing him. He sighed softly. 

He wanted to help his friend. He felt that Oikawa was trying endlessly to be happier, but could Iwaizumi do anything about it? Did Oikawa perhaps feel that Hajime treated him differently since the incident? Did he perhaps even do that? That had never been his intention. Nothing had changed between them, had it? Well, Tooru didn't tell him everything anymore. That was a very big change. Did he have someone else to tell everything to? On the one hand, that would mean he was talking to someone and that would be good, of course, but Iwaizumi didn't want that. He didn't want to be replaced by anyone - was that selfish? He continued to stroke Oikawa's hair. "I want to build a snowman," Tooru muttered. Hajime looked startled. "What makes you think that now?" he wanted to know. "In the movie, they're in a snowy landscape and it looks so beautiful. We haven't made a snowman in a long time," his friend replied. Iwaizumi noticed that he had completely ignored the movie. "Of course you didn't notice when you stare at me all the time. Do I have something on my face? Are you making fun of me, Iwa-chan?" asked Oikawa, laughing a little. "I wasn't staring at you, shittykawa. You're just imagining it.", Iwaizumi muttered, looking at the TV. "The news said it's supposed to snow next week," he then said.

Oikawa looked at him enthusiastically. "Really?"

"Why would I lie to you?"

"I don't know you like to fool me."

"I don't. But yeah, honestly. Do you like to build a snowman then?"

"If there's enough snow I'd love to!"

Iwaizumi nodded and looked back at Oikawa. "Would you like to go to Osaka sometime in the near future?" he wanted to know. Oikawa turned his head so he could look Iwaizumi in the eye. "Why do you ask?"

"I want to spend as much time as I can with you, you're my best friend after all."

"First of all..do you have a fever? When did you start talking to me like that? But Osaka sounds cool, yeah."

"I'll check out sights soon and let you know. You know we'll have to stay in a hotel then, right?"

Oikawa nodded and smiled at Iwaizumi. "I've never been to Osaka before."

"Me neither."

"I hope we don't get lost."

Iwaizumi gave him a smirk. "You're so popular, I'm sure you have fans there who would help you in a heartbeat."

" Jealousy doesn't suit you, Iwa-chan."

"Now where was I being jealous, dumbass?"

"I feel something like that."

"Shut the fuck up and focus on the movie again," Iwaizumi said, looking at the screen. He noticed Oikawa continued to look at him. "You have some beard growth, Iwa-chan.", Oikawa muttered. Hajime grabbed his cheeks. "I'll just have to shave tomorrow," he replied softly. Tooru reached out to touch Hajime's face. "May I?" he asked, smirking broadly. Sighing, Hajime nodded. "This is unfair. You shave because you don't want a real beard and I just can't get one," the setter complained. "It wouldn't look good on you," Iwaizumi admitted honestly. Oikawa lightly stroked Iwaizumi's cheek and pulled his hand back. "That was really mean, Iwa-chan!" he grumbled. "It was just the truth."

Oikawa took a milk roll and bit into it. He started laughing. "They taste really strange.". Iwaizumi took one too and started eating. "They're not that bad..." he muttered. "They're not bad at all! They just taste...how should I say this? They taste different? Out of the ordinary? I like them."

The setter turned back so he could watch the movie. Iwaizumi started playing with Oikawa's hair again, realizing that Tooru was otherwise tensed. "Did you fall in love with them, too?" he wanted to know. Oikawa nodded. "My first big love."

Oikawa kept wiping away his tears. "Find him already," he muttered. "You know very well he'll survive," Iwaizumi said with a slight smile. "But look how much Ran is suffering! Why can't they find him?". Iwaizumi sighed. Even as a child, Oikawa cried every time he saw this scene. He himself found it sad the first time too, but he didn't have to cry. "And the background music only makes it worse.", Oikawa whispered shakily. "Give me your hand.", Hajime said rolling his eyes. That was always the easiest way to calm Tooru. He gently stroked his hand and looked at him. "They'll find him," he murmured.

So he was aware of what the loss of an important person meant. He knew that his death would hurt Iwaizumi more than anything, and yet that only barely stopped him. Had he already tried it in Argentina? Had he already attempted suicide in Argentina that he didn't go through with because he didn't want to hurt his friends and family? If so, why didn't he tell him? Iwaizumi continued to stroke Oikawa's hand, hoping to calm him down that way. "You're crying even more than usual this time, idiot," he muttered. "I don't know what it is either. I love this background music so much.", Tooru said softly. He was right. It did sound very dramatic, but something about that music just tugged at your heartstrings. He felt like they were kids again, watching the movie for the first time. He remembered exactly how he held Oikawa's hand that day too, and even hugged him. He had cried even more then, and it was hours before he calmed down. Until that worked, Iwaizumi had to make a fool of himself to make him laugh. He couldn't help but smile. "How can you smile at a scene like that?", Oikawa wanted to know distraught. "I couldn't help thinking about how you cried like that the first time, too. You were really cute and annoying at the same time." he said. "You're really being way too sweet to me today. Could it be that you're going to die soon?"

Iwaizumi looked Oikawa in the eye and smiled at him. "I'm going to live at least 180 years."


	7. cooking

Oikawa looked at him in amusement. "180 years, then? I' d like to see that," he replied. " You' ll have to be 180 years old for that, too. Can you do that?".

"Are you challenging me right now?"

"Of course. Who do you think comes closer to 180 years old?"

"Me, of course. I'm healthier than you are."

"You're not."

"I am."

"You're not, Tooru."

"All right, I'm not," Oikawa muttered in disappointment. "I'll still beat you at everything," he commented next. Iwaizumi sighed, "We'll see about that."

Of course he hoped Oikawa would win, but they weren't particularly serious about this conversation anyway. "What are you going to do after the movie? It ends soon." Iwaizumi asked. Right after that, Oikawa's stomach growled. " Eating.", he mumbled.

"Have you calmed down?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa sat up straight and nodded sadly. "I wonder if they'll ever end up together?" he asked. Iwaizumi looked toward the television. "They got together in an episode in London," he said. "Really?!" Iwaizumi nodded. "But you'll watch that another time, idiot. What shall we eat?"

Oikawa mused. "We ate my favorite food today so now comes your favorite food. We're making Agedashi Tofu!" he said enthusiastically. "I'm not good at cooking, though," Iwaizumi muttered. "I know. It doesn't matter, Iwa-chan! I can cook. You just have to do what I tell you to do!"

"If the food tastes like shit or my kitchen ends up getting burned down, you'll take full responsibility."

"Blah, blah, yeah, come on now let's go to the kitchen."

"I don't think I have any potato dish," Iwaizumi muttered. He sighed. "You go ahead and prepare everything and I'll go to the store for a minute.", he said and went to his jacket. "Forget it I'll come with you. What am I supposed to do alone in your apartment?" the setter replied with a grin. "Would probably just sniff anyway.", Hajime said with a smirk. "Don't forget my scarf, it's cold."

"It's my scarf now, Iwa-chan!"

"Well, take our scarf then, dumbass."

"Is there anything you want?", Iwaizumi wanted to know while pushing the supermarket cart in front of him. "Any snacks, maybe?" Tooru muttered. "I want something sweet!" he added. Iwaizumi looked around and thought for a moment. "How about mochi?"

Oikawa nodded and saw what varieties were available. "Strawberry cheesecake and chocolate?" he repeated with a laugh. Iwaizumi looked at him, annoyed. "I can't help it that those are my favorites. Besides, you like them too, don't you?". Tooru grinned at him. "Don't be offended, Iwa-chan! Strawberry cheesecake and chocolate sounds great!" he replied.

"Is there anything else you want? Something to drink or I don't know what all you wish for?", Iwaizumi asked again. Oikawa looked thoughtful. "Do you actually have daikon at home? We need those for the Agedashi Tofu." he said. "I didn't think of that. No, we should get that too.", he said and went looking. "Wait here, I saw them earlier!" declared Oikawa and went off.

Iwaizumi felt like he had been waiting forever so he set off in search of his best friend. "Always the same with him.", he muttered slightly irritated and searched for him. He was hardly lost so what was he doing for so long? He could have saved himself that question. He saw Oikawa talking to a girl. While doing so, he had put on his typical smile that was already seen too often in interviews. "We have to go home slowly. I'm hungry." said Iwaizumi after nudging Oikawa. He smiled kindly at the girl, but she looked quite scared and disappointed. "Have a nice day, and don't forget the ice cream for your cake," Oikawa said, scratching the back of his head. He always did that when he had to end a conversation abruptly.

"A fan?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. "Sort of. She seems more like a fan of CA San Juan.", Oikawa replied, showing him that he had found Daikon. "Sorry to keep you waiting so long," he apologized. "You should get in the habit of not keeping everyone waiting.", Iwaizumi replied, smiling gently. "But that's okay. You just want to be nice to everyone, I know that."

Once they arrived home, the two immediately made their way to the kitchen. "Get out some paper towels. We need to wrap the tofu in there and leave it like that for about 20 minutes so it can dehydrate," Oikawa said, washing his hands. "Aye aye captain.", Iwaizumi replied with a smirk. "I'll start chopping the vegetables meanwhile."

"Tooru, this isn't working," Iwaizumi complained. Oikawa looked over Iwaizumi's shoulder and slapped him lightly against the back of the head. "You haven't even turned on the stove yet, idiot.". Iwaizumi made an "Ohhh ups" face and turned on the stove. "I hate cooking.", he muttered to himself. " But you love to eat so don't complain like that.".

"Do you want to be a chef somehow? You seem to be in your element."

Oikawa looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Just because every little thing about cooking is like a wonder of the world to you doesn't mean I'm the best at cooking. Although, of course, I'd still have the knowledge to be a chef."

"Arrogant idiot."

"You're really mean, Iwa-chan, but don't you ever have to study?"

Iwaizumi looked at him while stirring the sauce. "Yes I do, I have an essay to write," he muttered.

"And yet you spend so much time with me?"

"Of course, idiot. I'm pretty far along, but I'm not motivated enough on my own like this."

"Then it's a deal! I'll come every day and motivate you to keep writing!"

"What do you want to do while I'm working on it, then?", Iwaizumi wanted to know.

"I can cook you something as motivation and annoy you."

"Are you my personal cook or what?"

"I'm just a good friend! Consider yourself lucky!"

"I do," Iwaizumi muttered. "But don't come in the morning already I'll be at the university until 3pm for the next few days."

" All right." he said and looked at Iwaizumi. "Did you turn off the stove again?" he wanted to know. Iwaizumi bit his lower lip and quickly turned off the stove. "I do now," he replied. "I hope for your sake that the sauce still tastes good."

"I told you, you take full responsibility."


	8. food

"Go."

"Excuse me?"

"Right away. Go."

"This is my place, Tooru, what do you mean?"

"Get out of the kitchen, you idiot. Your cooking sucks! You set the table or something I'll take care of the rest."

"I'm going mom."

"Don't call me mom, I'll punch you in your face."

"Alright! Calm down! Tch.", Iwaizumi said and took out chopsticks from the drawer. "You didn't forget to eat with chopsticks in Argentina, did you?" he wanted to know. "You don't unlearn something like that," Oikawa replied, frying the tofu.

As Iwaizumi set the cups down, he briefly considered what they should drink. "Do you feel like iced tea?" he called into the kitchen. "Sure, what kinds do you guys have?" he heard from the kitchen. "You guys? I live by myself. But I have..let me check." he replied and went back to the kitchen. "Lemon and green tea." he said. "Green tea would be cool.", Oikawa said and then looked at him. "Did you finish setting the table?" he asked. Iwaizumi nodded. "When will dinner be ready?" he wanted to know. "In about 10 minutes. Just wait in the living room."

Iwaizumi sat at the table, watching the wind and rain outside. He hadn't noticed how hard it was raining by now, but he liked rain. He liked the sound of raindrops hitting the window pane. As a child, he was scared then because he thought the window would break eventually, but when Tooru calmed him down, he realized that the fear was unnecessary. "If Oikawa isn't scared, it can't be scary," he thought to himself then. He shook his head with a smile. That's how he overcame some fears. When he saw that his best friend wasn't afraid of it, he felt that it wasn't that dangerous. "This should all still be in one of my journals," he muttered to himself. Something even Tooru didn't know - he'd been writing journals since he was a kid. He didn't even know why, but he had the feeling that it helped him start the next day.

"What are you thinking about?", Oikawa wanted to know and put Iwaizumi's bowl in front of him. "You could have called me then I would have helped," Iwaizumi muttered, looking at the food. "This looks really delicious," he then commented. "Don't you like to answer my question, Iwa-chan?".

"About our childhood and how I really like rain."

"You really think about our childhood a lot, is that possible?"

" It was really cool, too."

"You used to hit me all the time!"

"That hasn't changed."

"That doesn't make it better!"

"It's your own fault! Let's eat now I can't wait anymore."

Oikawa just nodded and watched Iwaizumi start eating. "Does it taste good?" he wanted to know. Iwaizumi nodded vigorously. "I really forgot you were such a great cook," he admitted. "I didn't cook very often," Oikawa said and started to eat as well. "You were right, it really motivates me to finish my essay. If I know that I'll get something delicious to eat as a reward, I could write 20 pages in one day." "I want to see you write 20 pages in one day," Oikawa said with a laugh. "You'll see, dumbass!"

Iwaizumi sighed and looked at Oikawa. "I'm so full and I still want to continue eating," he said. "That's a compliment, but not a healthy eating behavior, Iwa-chan.", Oikawa replied with a smile. Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa slightly annoyed. "Are you my doctor now or what? Why don't you just accept my compliment to you?" "Yeah, sorry, sorry! You don't have to look so grim. Thank you for your compliment. Let's get this cleared up.", Oikawa apologized. "You sit down I'll do it. And talk to me the whole time.", Iwaizumi said and stood up. "Why?", Oikawa wanted to know. Iwaizumi stared at the table and hesitated. "I want to know for sure that you're alive and not doing anything stupid," he muttered. "Don't worry, Hajime. I'll talk to you all the time, I promise."

In fact, Oikawa was telling stories about his team from Argentina while Iwaizumi was washing up. He didn't really listen to him since he already knew those stories, but it was enough for him to hear his voice. He kept commenting on something and noticed that Oikawa was speaking slower and softer. Still, he tried not to go into the living room, as he didn't want to corner his friend either.

As he dried the dishes, there was complete silence. Hajime took a deep breath. Should he go into the living room? He was afraid to do so. What if Oikawa really did something stupid? Maybe he was just trying to fool him, but what if he wasn't?

A little hesitantly, Iwaizumi went into the living room and saw Oikawa lying on the couch. His eyes were closed. He slowly walked up to him to see if everything was okay and quite quickly he noticed that his best friend was sleeping. "I wonder if I can carry him?" he muttered. He went into his bedroom and opened the bed.

Once back in the living room, he tried to make as little noise as possible. Oikawa was always quick to fall asleep, but he woke up just as quickly to little things in return. He put his hands under Oikawa's body and lifted him up all at once. He was heavier than expected, but Iwaizumi could still carry him. It occurred to him, however, that he definitely needed to exercise more again. Slowly, he carried Oikawa to his room and laid him, as gently as he could, in his bed. He then covered him and smiled.

After drying the dishes, he cleaned the table. He wondered if he should send a message to Oikawa's mother to let her know that Oikawa would be coming either later or tomorrow. After all, they shouldn't worry. He took his mobile phone out of his pocket and looked for Oikawa's mother. Searched - found. "Hey:) Oikawa just fell asleep and I don't want to wake him up since he looked very tired today. I wanted to let it be known that he'll either be home later or not until tomorrow. I hope that doesn't bother you guys! I'm sure we'll see each other again soon, see you!" he wrote to her and then walked back to his bedroom. Tooru was lying in one side as usual - somehow he never did spread out. Hajime slipped to the other side of the bed to lay with him. "I will take care of you, Tooru. I'll be your personal guardian angel."


	9. thoughts

Iwaizumi opened his eyes and stretched. He seemed to have fallen asleep. He felt Oikawa getting closer and closer to him. "Clingy jerk." he muttered, looking over at him. He was still sound asleep. Was it morning already? "Where's my mobile phone?" he wondered quietly, scanning the bed. He hadn't put it on the table he was sure. He lifted the blanket slightly and saw that Oikawa was half lying on his mobile. He bit his lower lip and slightly moved his friend aside to pick up his phone. 3:38 a.m. "Huh?" muttered Oikawa, turning to face him. "What happened?" he whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you up, sorry. Go back to sleep," Iwaizumi said softly. Tooru slowly opened his eyes and looked tiredly at Hajime. "I fell asleep, sorry if you were worried," he apologized. Iwaizumi smiled and slowly closed his eyes. "It's okay. Go to sleep, it's really early."

Oikawa, as expected, immediately fell back asleep while Iwaizumi lay quite still but was still wide awake. Sometimes he wished he had such a light sleep as Tooru. He looked at him from the side and felt something relieving in his chest - almost liberating. Oikawa looked so calm and unconcerned. So peaceful. Almost like an angel without wings. Of course, when he wasn't talking, you didn't know how annoying he actually was. But maybe it was exactly this annoying nature that made him so bearable. It would suck if he was perfect. Only when he slept were all his flaws gone. Perhaps he was dreaming of something great? At least he was smiling.

He sighed as he thought of the girl shopping. She looked scared. Why? Iwaizumi knew there were a few rumors about him during his school days. Not many - just a few. People who only saw him with Oikawa thought that Oikawa deserved someone who didn't yell at him all the time, but someone like that wouldn't get along with Oikawa. With Oikawa, sometimes you had to be threatening to keep him from exaggerating again. But his friends also knew that Iwaizumi was only like that to him. That was probably the reason why he was respected by younger people. He somehow managed to keep people in line. He never wanted to seem scary, so was she really afraid of him or was she just very disappointed that Tooru had to leave? He watched as Oikawa breathed regularly and peacefully. "If only people knew how idiotic you can be," he muttered, slowly closing his eyes. He didn't mind if people perceived him differently than he was, after all, he would never talk to them. And if he did talk to them, they would quickly realize that Oikawa was the only one who had the honor of being treated that way. Would he find it exhausting at times? Certainly not. He would have said so. He was not a person who closed his mouth when something bothered him.

But some people also had a wrong impression of Oikawa. There were people who thought he put himself above everyone. Of course, Oikawa thought that he was among the best in everything, but he also sees that others are sometimes better or as good as him. He knows very well that he could not achieve everything on his own and he always put his team, no matter which one it was, above himself. He had an arrogant aura and sometimes Hajime wanted to beat that aura out of him, but that was just part of being his best friend. He would not be able to change that and he was glad about that.

Iwaizumi woke up because he noticed that his apartment smelled like waffles. He slowly opened his eyes and yawned. "I didn't even notice that I fell asleep," he mumbled and sat up. He hadn't even changed his clothes yesterday. He hated sleeping in jeans - it was the most disgusting feeling ever. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was only 7:38 a.m.. He still had an hour and a half until class started. He slowly went to the bathroom to get ready.

"Good morning, Iwa-chan! I know you have to go to the university so I made waffles. Then you can leave right after breakfast," Oikawa said. Iwaizumi looked at his plate. A huge stack of waffles was on it. "I've never had waffles for breakfast," he muttered. "I do in Argentina once in a while. It makes you more motivated right away," Tooru replied. "What are you going to do when I go to college?", Iwaizumi wanted to know as he gratefully started eating. "I'll help you wash up for a bit and then go home too. But I'll come back later and motivate you diligently!" he replied. Iwaizumi looked thoughtful for a moment. "Do you have any plans?" he asked. Oikawa shook his head. "Well, nothing except showering.". Iwaizumi nodded slowly. "Don't bother, will you? You can shower here too and do whatever you want here. You don't have to leave and come back."

Oikawa seemed to think about this suggestion. "But what should I wear then?" he asked. "My clothes? Didn't you do the same as a child?"

"Iwa-chan, I'm taller than you."

"Just a little."

"You're built wider than me."

"I won't take that as an insult. Then the clothes would be too big for you and not too small so it does fit, besides I'm not really built much wider than you."

Oikawa sighed and rested his head against the table. "But tonight I have to go. If I sleep here again, my mother will complain that I'm finally coming to Japan and not spending any time with her at all," he explained. Hajime nodded. "You still look really tired. If you like you can sleep until I come, or at least sleep for a while. I'm airing out my room right now, but I'm about to close the window so you'd have to wait a bit until it's warmer," he said. "It's all right, Iwa-chan! Now eat up or you'll be late!"

Iwaizumi put on his jacket and looked at Oikawa. He felt bad thinking about what his friend was doing for him. " I was trying to help you at the same time, idiot," he said quietly. "Your presence is already helping me."


	10. why me?

At about 5:07p.m., Iwaizumi was finally done at the university and was allowed to leave. If Oikawa was still asleep? If so, would he be hungry when he woke up? Should Iwaizumi buy him something to eat? Or would that be rude if he had cooked? Iwaizumi was not sure. They should still have mochi at home so they didn't need snacks, but should he maybe buy something to drink? He saw a bubble tea store on the way and decided to buy bubble tea.

"Hey Iwaizumi-kun!" he heard as he got in line. He turned around and saw Takeru, Oikawa's nephew, in front of him. "Hello Takeru! What are you doing here?" he wanted to know. "I wanted to walk around a bit and felt like having some bubble tea," he replied. "And you?" he added. Iwaizumi noticed that Takeru had really grown. He wasn't as tall as him yet, but he was really starting to get close. "I'll buy your uncle and me some bubble tea. Say how old are you now anyway?". Takeru looked at him confused. "I'll be 13 soon why do you ask?" he wondered. "Just been wondering.", Iwaizumi replied with a smile. "Why doesn't Tooru go buy his drink by himself?", Takeru wanted to know. "I'm surprising him with it because he surprised me with breakfast today."

"Are you guys living together?"

"What, no, he just spent the night at my place."

"So you haven't gotten married yet?"

Iwaizumi couldn't hold back a laugh. "Why not yet? We never planned to get married."

"But Mom always says you're acting like an old married couple," he muttered. Iwaizumi shook his head. "I don't think we'll ever get married," he said with a smile. "I think it's your turn," Takeru said, pushing Iwaizumi forward slightly. Indeed - it was his turn.

"Green milk tea and yogurt strawberry?", Takeru wanted to know as Iwaizumi moved aside to wait for the little one. "Oikawa loves yogurt strawberry and I like green milk tea," Iwaizumi explained. When Takeru wanted to pay, Iwaizumi put down the money. "Fits like this." he said with a smile. "You don't have to pay for me, Iwaizumi-kun!" Takeru said, taking his drink. "Oh well, you're the only one who's really honest with your uncle, after all," Iwaizumi replied with a smirk.

"Not the only one! You are also honest with him!"

"He's really childish, after all."

"You can say that out loud..." they both sighed. They had always agreed on this topic. "Do you want to come to my place?" Iwaizumi asked once they were outside. Takeru seemed to think for a moment. "No, I'd rather not disturb a married couple," he admitted with a wink. "You seem pretty childish yourself! Oh well, I can't force you, can I? I'm sure I'll see you again soon!" commented Iwaizumi, taking his leave. "Tell my mom when you guys have your first kiss!", Takeru called after him. "That damn Oikawa is not a good influence for him."

He went in quietly and heard music coming from the kitchen. "Is that idiot only cooking?" he muttered, hanging up his jacket. "I'm back." he said, walking into the kitchen. "I'm just looking at what you have. Don't bother me and go study!" Oikawa told him, turning down the music. "I brought you bubble tea," Hajime said, showing him the cup. "You didn't have to buy that! But thanks, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa meant and took the cup from Iwaizumi. "I'll start cooking soon, but youu should start writing!" he then said. Iwaizumi nodded. "I'll stay with you in the kitchen, okay? I want to make sure nothing happens."

"How far along are you?", Oikawa wanted to know as he chopped the vegetables. "Twelve pages to go," Iwaizumi muttered, glancing up briefly. Oikawa was actually wearing his clothes. "I hate you.", he said honestly to him. "Why do you do that?" Oikawa asked, confused. "It gets on my nerves so much that you look better in my hoodie than I do," he explained. Oikawa was wearing a white hoodie of his and black jeans. "You could have worn something more comfortable like sweatpants, though," he then commented. Oikawa just shrugged his shoulders. "I think your jeans are comfortable, too," he admitted. Iwaizumi sighed. "I don't look better because of your clothes but because I'm prettier than you.", Oikawa said with a smirk. "Shut the fuck up fucking pretty boy.", Iwaizumi grumbled and looked at his laptop again. "I saw Takeru earlier.", Iwaizumi said and continued writing his essay. "How's the little dwarf doing?", Tooru wanted to know. "He'll be taller than you later, you know that, right? And I guess he's fine, but your sister is spreading rumors about us," he said. Oikawa groaned in annoyance. "What did she tell him?". "We two would act like an old married couple and he thinks we'll get married," Hajime replied. "After all, if we're single by 30, we'll get married."

"Excuse me?"

"Have you forgotten? We said when we were kids that we'd get married when we were single at 30. That was even your idea, Hajime."

Iwaizumi thought for a moment, then went, "Ahhh..." He remembered. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that," he added. "Being married to me is a blessing!" complained Oikawa. "At least your food tastes good," Iwaizumi muttered. "Why don't you roll up your sleeves? You're wetting my hoodie and you seem to be sweating," Iwaizumi said, groaning in annoyance. "I seriously worded that wrong." he muttered, deleting the sentence he had just typed. Oikawa didn't answer him.

"Tooru? Didn't you hear me?" he wanted to know. "I'm cold, that's all," Oikawa replied quietly. Hajime looked up again and eyed his best friend. "Show me your arms."

"What, I'm cold Hajime."

Iwaizumi stood up and walked toward Oikawa. "You can lower your sleeves right now. Show me your arms, now."

Oikawa turned his head away. "Can I continue?" he wanted to know. Hajime pulled his arm toward him. "Either you do it or I do."

Oikawa didn't move, but he didn't pull his arm back either. Somewhat hesitantly, Iwaizumi rolled up Oikawa's sleeve and bit his lower lip. Oikawa had carved "Why me?" into his arm. Iwaizumi looked him in the eye. "Please don't be disappointed, Hajime," Oikawa murmured. Iwaizumi shook his head and pressed Oikawa against him. "I'm not disappointed, idiot. We'll solve all your problems slowly."


	11. snowman

The next 2 weeks passed in the same pattern - Oikawa came to Iwaizumi in the afternoon and tried to motivate him to continue writing. He even tried to help him with the research. He didn't always cook, because he usually cooked too much the day before anyway or Iwaizumi had already ordered something. Every day he showed his arms and upper body to his best friend as a sign that he was not hurting himself. Iwaizumi didn't even dare to ask him nor to show other places because he didn't want to corner Oikawa. He wanted to give him as much space as he could.

He stared at his laptop and sighed. It was already mid-December and, although it had been announced, it hadn't snowed. Every day he hoped anew that it would snow - including this day. He needed a break from all the studying, because it just wasn't his way to get so much done without a break. Of course, going back to the gym 4 times a week counted as a break, but he wanted to do something relaxing with his friend. After all, Oikawa obviously missed the snow even more than he did. He would sometimes stare out the window for hours hoping it would snow, but it was always rain. "Say, Hajime.", Oikawa started, looking out the window as usual. "Yes?". "You don't have that much to write anymore, do you?" he wanted to know. Iwaizumi nodded. "Are the last two pages.", he muttered. "Shall we go to Osaka in the next few weeks then? That's what you wanted to do."

Iwaizumi looked up and smirked at him. "That would be nice, yes." he said honestly. "But since it was your idea...", Oikawa started, pointing at Iwaizumi. "...you'll plan everything nicely.". " I was going to anyway. I don't trust your organization skills..." he replied. "My organizational skills are perfect, but I want you to work on yours," Oikawa said innocently. "Yeah, perfect my ass. I'll never let you plan another trip again," Hajime returned. Oikawa gasped indignantly. "Why not?". Iwaizumi sighed. "Because you once booked the train tickets so wrong that I had to rebook everything so we'd actually arrive in Yokohama," he explained, rolling his eyes. "That happened to me once, Iwa-chan! Just once!". "That's once too many.". Then there was silence again for a while. "Hajime?" muttered Oikawa. "What is it, Tooru?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. "I think it's snowing."

Hajime looked out the window and it actually seemed to be snowing. "I want to go out," Oikawa said enthusiastically. "Wait a bit, will you? There'll be snow on the ground later, too, and then we can make a snowman," Iwaizumi replied with a smile. Oikawa nodded enthusiastically and continued to stare outside. "It looks so beautiful.", he breathed softly. He wasn't wrong. It wasn't a snowstorm that people preferred to stay inside in, but it was the kind that made people want to go outside. "I'll finish this paragraph and then we can go down already. It's snowing pretty hard so that should be enough."

"Hurry up with your shoes, Hajime!" said Oikawa, waiting outside the door. Iwaizumi looked at him and shook his head. "You're supposed to take care of yourself or you'll catch a cold, fucking idiot!" he grumbled, handing him his jacket. "What about you?", Oikawa wanted to know, ignoring the insult. "I'll get another jacket, wait a minute.", Hajime replied and took another jacket from the closet.

Hajime gave a little smile as he watched Oikawa walk outside. He looked just like he did when he was a kid - only in taller. He didn't know anyone who loved snow more than Oikawa. He personally thought summer was better, but he definitely understood what Oikawa liked about winter. "Do you like to walk a little?" he asked his best friend. Oikawa nodded. "We can walk to the park and build a snowman there," Oikawa suggested. " We can do that if you like, yes."

"Can I ask you something, Tooru?"

" Go ahead."

"Did you attempt a suicide in Argentina, too?"

Oikawa hesitated for a moment, then shook his head. "I never did."

"Why in Japan?"

"Because my family is in Japan."

"That's not a reason."

"Because I didn't want your last beautiful memory with me to be three years ago," he murmured. "You waited so long for my last memory to be a dinner with you?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. "I didn't want you to suddenly be alone."

"Well, I would have been, idiot."

Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi. "I wanted to die by your side."

"You shouldn't even think about dying."

"Don't you ever think about it, Iwa-chan?"

Iwaizumi shook his head and watched the snow slowly fall. "I want to achieve my goals," he said slowly. " Which ones?", Oikawa wanted to know. "I want to become a coach and make my father proud. I want to see many more places and try many things. Maybe even have a little family.", Iwaizumi explained, looking at Oikawa. "And of course, I want to give your life a reason to live," he added. Oikawa reached out his hand and let the snowflakes land gently on his hand. "I'm grateful to you for that, honestly."

When they arrived at the park, they noticed that, for the most part, there were children there. Iwaizumi smirked. "We were here as kids too, do you remember?" he wanted to know. Tooru nodded and walked a little ahead. "Let's finally build a snowman!"

"Tooru, the ball is way too big!" complained Iwaizumi, looking at his friend. They already had the bottom one ready and the second one was much bigger. "Then we'll just take this one as the bottom snow globe and the other one as the second globe!" Oikawa replied, looking at him proudly. "Because this one turned out perfect," he boasted. Iwaizumi finally gave in and looked at the two globes. "Do you want the head to come already?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa nodded. "Do we actually have anything for the face?" he asked Iwaizumi. The young man nodded and opened his backpack. "Carrots and buttons I don't need. Also, I packed an old scarf of mine," he muttered. "This is perfect. It will be the most beautiful snowman you've ever seen!". "What are you going to name him if it's going to be the most beautiful snowman?", Iwaizumi asked. Oikawa thought for a moment and then smiled. "He should have the name of a hero. I'll call him Hajime."


	12. cold

"I'm not a hero, Tooru." , Iwaizumi said with a sad smile. "But I'll try to become one, I promise," he added before Oikawa could complain. "Well, I think you're a hero," Oikawa replied, closing his eyes with a smile. "You'll always be a hero!" he added and started making the third snow globe. Iwaizumi didn't answer and helped him a little. How could he call himself a hero when he hadn't helped him a bit yet? On the contrary. Oikawa had helped him much more than he had helped him, but this hit him even harder. He saw how hard Tooru was trying, and not everyone would do that. He really seemed to do everything he could to help Hajime, but if he was so eager to hold on to life, why did he want to commit suicide? Was he doing it all because of his family? Or maybe even because of him? "He's too big, too," Oikawa muttered in disappointment, waving his hand in front of Hajime's face. "Don't make him any bigger, Iwa-chan. It won't help." he said directed at him. Hajime winced for a moment. "Why didn't you say that earlier?" he grumbled, looking at the snow globe. "I did, but you're not listening to me, dumbass." the taller one retorted. "Oikawa you idiot then you need to be louder!", Iwaizumi countered him. Oikawa broke off a piece of the snow globe and put it inside Iwaizumi's sweater so that it touched his back. Hajime tried to get the snow back out and looked at Oikawa with a death stare. "You'll get that back." he whispered after he got rid of the snow and broke something off the too big snow globe as well.

"Don't run away from me, shittykawa!", Iwaizumi yelled and ran after him. Then he stopped and aimed at his friend's back, who was looking for a place to hide. "That hurt, Iwa-chan!", Oikawa commented, making a small snowball for himself. "You're not going to do that now," Iwaizumi said in a firm voice. Oikawa looked at him provocatively. "Why not?" he wanted to know. "I can't promise you'll get through this without pain," Iwaizumi continued, looking Oikawa in the eye. "Slowly put the ball back down or drop it," he continued speaking. Tooru stifled a laugh. "You sound like that's a dangerous weapon, pussy." he said, looking at the snowball. "It reminds me of you," he said suddenly. "Why would that be?", Iwaizumi wanted to know a bit curiously. Oikawa sighed and compared the snowball to his best friend. "He's just as tiny as you are."

Iwaizumi grabbed the ball they were going to use as a head and walked towards Oikawa. "This globe has similarities to you. It' s as big an asshole as you are." he said menacingly, taking one step at a time. "Aren't you exaggerating a bit with that globe, Iwa-chan?", Oikawa wanted to know cautiously, walking further and further back. Hajime shook his head and kept walking after him. "I..I'm sorry?", Oikawa still tried as a rescue, but it was already too late. Iwaizumi stood in front of him, smirking at him as if he were his victim. "Don't embarrass me," he said, dropping the globe right on Oikawa.

Oikawa dropped to the ground and cringed. "D-do you know how cold that is?" he wanted to know, rubbing his arms. He slowly wiped away the snow and tried to hold back his shivering. "Don't you like getting up again?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa looked his friend in the eye. " Are you going to help me?" he asked him. Iwaizumi nodded hesitantly and held out his hand. Tooru grabbed his hand and, as Iwaizumi had expected, tried to pull him to the ground. "Dumbass.", Iwaizumi muttered, pulling Oikawa up. "I'm still stronger than you.", he said with satisfaction, looking at Oikawa. "You were just lucky.", his friend replied with a sigh. "Let's finish the snowman.", he said to Iwaizumi. "Aren't you freezing?", the boy wanted to know. "Can't change it," Oikawa muttered, picking up snow and squeezing it. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and took off his jacket. "Take my jacket." he said, holding it in front of him. "So you'll freeze?" asked Oikawa ironically. "You're really wet in parts now though so it's more important that you don't freeze, idiot," Iwaizumi said. "Besides, I'm still wearing something under my hoodie so that's fine," he added, pressing his jacket into Oikawa's hand. Tooru took off his jacket first, gave it to Iwaizumi, and put on his one. "Thanks." he muttered. "I'm to blame for the situation, after all.", Iwaizumi replied.

"Now the face!", Oikawa said excitedly. They had connected the head to the rest of the body. Iwaizumi gave Oikawa the carrot and took out a small bag of buttons. "How should he look?", Iwaizumi wanted to know and placed two of the buttons as eyes. "Well, like you.", Oikawa said. Iwaizumi looked at him questioningly. "Angry, of course.", Oikawa explained with a huge smirk. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and sighed. "Then the snowman must be really annoyed with you." he replied, trying to make his mouth as neutral as possible. "He better not smile!" oikawa commented Iwaizumi. "You find some branches for the arms, shittykawa."

"Last thing, your scarf.", Oikawa said, holding out his hand. "I want to do that," he added. "You're doing something like that way too aggressively," Iwaizumi muttered. Oikawa looked at him, puzzled. "What do you mean by that?" he asked him. Iwaizumi thought of the countless times Oikawa wanted to show how 'grown up' he was and put the scarf on Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi always felt like Oikawa was going to strangle him. "Just let me do it." he explained with a sigh, looking at Oikawa pleadingly. Oikawa nodded reluctantly and watched Hajime put his scarf on the snowman. "Now he looks just like you," Oikawa remarked. Iwaizumi looked at the snowman. "Could it be that you are blind?"

"The day was beautiful.", Oikawa remarked on the way back. It had already been dark, so all the lanterns were shining. Iwaizumi sighed as his stomach began to growl. "Do you feel like pizza?" he wanted to know. Oikawa nodded. "Shall we go to that old Italian place?", Tooru wanted to know. Iwaizumi thought for a moment who he meant. "You mean Lorenzo?" he asked him with a laugh. Oikawa nodded. "Do you think he remembers us? We haven't been to his place in over three years," Hajime said. "Before that, we were kind of regulars! Come on, let's go see him!", Oikawa asked him. Iwaizumi stopped and held Oikawa by the arm. "It's getting late then," he said quietly. Oikawa looked at him with a look that screamed "So what?". "Then you'll have to spend the night at my place, will you?". Oikawa gave Iwaizumi a grin. "If you keep this up, Takeru will really think we're married."


	13. Lorenzo

"That wasn't an answer.", Iwaizumi said, ignoring Oikawa's insinuation. "I can sleep at your place, yes.", Oikawa replied with a smile. Iwaizumi nodded and looked at his wristwatch. "Let's go home first though so you can change, you're wet after all."

"Soon you won't have any clothes," Oikawa said, looking at himself in the mirror. "It's my fault you got so wet so that's okay," he replied, looking at Tooru. "You didn't have to put together a whole outfit right away," he then commented. Oikawa wore a black turtleneck sweater and a plaid shirt open over it. Hajire honestly liked that shirt. "It never hurts to look good." replied Oikawa, trying to grab his jacket. "It's wet, idiot. Take mine again.", Iwaizumi declared. Oikawa sighed and opened the closet. "What's your shirt for when you're wearing a jacket now anyway?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. "At Lorenzo's, I'll take the jacket off again," he muttered, taking out a winter jacket. "You put this one on then. I'm sure it'll look good on you," he said. Iwaizumi looked at the jacket. "This is a plain gray coat, Trashykawa.". "Gray looks good on you.", the setter said. "Why?" wondered Hajime, "I don't know, it just suits you. You should trust me on a subject like this!". Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and took out the keys. "I'm not going to let someone who owns a pair of brown jeans tell me something like that."

"Do you think you can speak Italian to Lorenzo then?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa looked at him in confusion. "Well, you do know Spanish," he explained. Oikawa looked at him more confused now. "Are you stupid in some way, Iwa-chan? Italian and Spanish aren't the same thing, and I can speak Spanish, but not well enough to get along with an Italian either that-that doesn't make sense.". Iwaizumi looked at him slowly. "Don't make me look even dumber than I am, shittykawa. Speak Spanish I want to hear you.". Oikawa thought about what to say for a moment. "My grammar is not perfect either, I think," he began. "Pero no te estoy haciendo parecer más estúpido de lo que eres. No eres el más inteligente pero eso no importa porque me sigues gustando.". Iwaizumi stared at him. "So I understood inteligente. But you also said no so probably 'not intelligent'...Oikawa you bastard what did you say?" asked Iwaizumi. "I guess you'll never find out," Oikawa replied with satisfaction. Iwaizumi looked at him with a threatening look. "It's okay, it's okay... I said that I'm not making you out to be dumber than you are but that you're just not the smartest, but it doesn't matter because I still like you," Oikawa translated. Before Iwaizumi could react, Oikawa opened the door to the restaurant. Now Iwa had no chance to get upset.

"Benvenuti a ", a waiter said to them and turned his attention back to the other guests. Iwaizumi and Oikawa made their way further back. "Maybe our old regular place is free!", Oikawa said and rushed forward. "Wait for me, idiot!" retorted Iwaizumi, pulling Oikawa back lightly by the arm. "I can't help it if you have such short legs, Iwa-chan.", Oikawa admitted with a grin. Ignoring Iwaizumi's annoyed look, he walked over to a small table. "It's actually free."

The restaurant wasn't particularly large or crowded, but the pizzas here were brilliant. And when there was so little going on, it was usually Lorenzo himself serving some guests. Iwaizumi and Oikawa used to be served only by him. "Guarda chi è tornato," they heard a voice. "Lorenzo! We still don't know Italian!" said Oikawa, waving with a smile. "Learned nothing at all?" the older man wanted to know. Lorenzo was slightly shorter than Iwaizumi and had a very positive aura. He always seemed to be in a good mood and since he himself described volleyball as interesting, he always got along great with the two players. "How are you doing?", Iwaizumi asked. "Good, good, but how are you guys?From your friend I saw a lot in TV, but you poof," he explained. At the words "poof", he made a kind of explosion with his hands. Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head. While Tooru was a professional player, he had hardly played volleyball. "I'm studying sports science and occasionally help out an elementary school with volleyball practice," he told, looking at Oikawa. "You should have come more often," Lorenzo said with a pouty undertone. "That's right, Iwa-chan. You should have come more often!". "Listen to your friend, Iwa-chan.", Lorenzo said with a grin and then looked at the two players proudly. "The usual?" "The usual."

"That he still knows what the usual is amazes me," Oikawa admitted. "We always have Pizza Capricciosa twice and Lorenzo forgets absolutely nothing," Iwaizumi said, looking at Oikawa, who had taken off his jacket. Oikawa grinned at him. "Don't be so jealous, Iwa-chan.". "Why should I be jealous you asshole?" he wanted to know. "Because I obviously look better than you in your clothes," he explained. "Pretty boys like that really get on my nerves.", Iwaizumi countered and saw Lorenzo coming in with 2 beers. "You guys are allowed to drink that now, right?" he wanted to know. Oikawa and Iwaizumi nodded and with a thumbs up he left. "Thanks for calling me pretty boy, Iwa-chan. Do you drink beer often?". Iwaizumi shook his head. "You, being an athlete, probably don't either," Iwaizumi muttered. Oikawa shrugged his shoulders. "Very rarely, yes, but since I've been in Japan, I've really let myself go," he remarked. Iwaizumi looked him in the eye. "You've almost always cooked totally healthy, idiot."

Oikawa scratched the back of his head. "At least I made an effort," he explained. "Tell me Tooru..." began Hajime, continuing to look at him. "You know I never hated you, right?". Oikawa looked at him, disturbed. "Why wouldn't I know something so self-evident?" he asked. Iwaizumi sighed a little in relief. "I don't know, because some got the feeling that I didn't like you," he muttered, taking a sip. "Hajime, you're my best friend and you always have been. Since when do you care what others think of you? Besides, that's not true. The people I know always said you were totally respectful and nice, I mean you're not necessarily nice, but you're the best friend I could ask for."


	14. our special day

Iwaizumi nodded in understanding. "It was a stupid question," he said apologetically. "I told you you weren't the smartest," Oikawa muttered, looking at Iwaizumi. "Have you ever thought of getting a tattoo or a piercing?" he wanted to know. "What makes you think of something like that?" asked Iwaizumi. Oikawa shrugged his shoulders.

"We never talk about such things."

"Because neither of us have tattoos or piercings, yeah."

"We should change that!"

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa. He tried to imagine his best friend with piercings and tattoos. "What exactly do you want?" he asked him. Oikawa gave Iwaizumi a smirk. "We should get partner tattoos!" he said excitedly. "Oikawa, you know what partner means, right?". Oikawa sighed and then smirked even wider. "I want everyone to know that you already have a best friend - which is me," he explained. Iwaizumi shook his head. "Then they're more likely to think we're a couple, Tooru," he said. "Oh, I'm sure no one thinks that," Oikawa replied confidently. Iwaizumi sighed. "Where do you want it, and what kind of motive were you thinking of?"

While Lorenzo brought the food, Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa in disbelief. "Explain it to me again, please," he said. Oikawa sighed. "You know that many people translate my name as 'great king'." Iwaizumi nodded. "But I know from my parents that Oi stands for reaching out and kawa for river, and I thought we'd do something fitting somehow. The following idea: In my tattoo you see a river that is partly liquid and partly frozen. In your tattoo you see only a small part of the liquid part and otherwise only the frozen part + snowflakes. This then symbolizes that you are the only one who can keep me in check. Do you understand it now?". "That a very complicated idea.", they heard from Lorenzo who had been listening. Iwaizumi nodded. "Where did you even get such an idea?" he wanted to know. Oikawa shrugged his shoulders. "But that would be special, wouldn't it?". Iwaizumi nodded with a sigh. "And in what place do you want it?" asked Iwaizumi. "I was thinking of the wrist," Tooru muttered. Iwaizumi looked at him a little annoyed. "Whatever, but then I'll decide who we'll have it done on."

As they ate, Iwaizumi thought again.Now they had talked about a tattoo, but not a piercing. "Why had you asked about the piercing?" he wanted to know, taking a sip of his drink. "It's not for me, it's for you. I've been wanting to tell you that for ages..I think you'd look good with an earring.", Oikawa said and continued eating. Iwaizumi choked on his drink. "What makes you think that?" he asked him. "I don't know I just have a feeling.", Oikawa explained and smiled at him. Iwaizumi put his head back in his neck. "You're really killing me, you know that?". Oikawa gave him a thumbs up. Sighing, Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa. "I can get an earring done today, too," he muttered, taking out his cell phone.

"There's a piercing studio open late near here. The reviews seem really good. Let's go there after dinner," Hajime said. Tooru looked at him, puzzled. "I didn't think you'd agree so easily, Iwa-chan!" he said honestly. "Neither did I," Hajime grumbled and continued eating.

"I'm so excited!" said Oikawa, running ahead. "Do you know what you want yet?" he then asked Hajime. Iwaizumi smirked at his friend."You'd get a piercing for me, too, wouldn't you?" he wanted to know. Oikawa stopped abruptly and nodded hesitantly. "Well, I'll get two pieces pierced - once a normal earring and a helix. And you should get a tongue piercing," he said. "If you get a helix pierced too, can't you connect the two piercings with a chain like this later?", Tooru wanted to know. Iwaizumi nodded. "A tongue piercing, then..." muttered Oikawa, turning to Iwaizumi. "Do you think that looks good on me?". Iwaizumi looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Who looks like shit with a tongue piercing? And like I said before, I hate pretty boys like you because you look good with the most." he admitted, groaning in annoyance when he saw Oikawa's smirk. "Let's just do it."

"Who's up first?" the piecer wanted to know. Oikawa pointed to Iwaizumi. "So one earring and one helix, right?" she repeated him. Iwaizumi nodded and sat down. "Do you want the earring on just one side or both?" she asked him, turning his head slightly to the side. "The right side should be fine for now," he murmured, looking at Oikawa. "Good luck, Hajime." "He doesn't need luck when I do it. I never disappoint my customers."

She was definitely right. Iwaizumi was still staring at himself in the mirror. He really wanted to watch Oikawa, but seeing Oikawa like this with his mouth open from outstretched tongue was just uncomfortable. Iwaizumi had to admit that he had imagined it to be more painful, but he believed that a tongue piercing was more painful. He glanced briefly at Oikawa, and though he didn't flinch a bit, Iwaizumi saw that he had to hold back a tear. "We're done." the girl said, handing Oikawa a mirror. She seemed to be explaining something else to him, but Hajime wasn't really listening. He had been right - that tongue piercing was a perfect match for Oikawa.

"What else are we going to do at home?", Oikawa wanted to know, staring at Iwaizumi's ear. "You shouldn't stare so obviously, shittykawa.", Iwaizumi replied, stretching. "Is there anything you want to do?" he then asked. This day was supposed to be special. He was doing so well all along, he didn't want to change that. Oikawa stopped. "Is something wrong?" "Let's go to the hill we went to when we were kids and watch the stars," he chimed in. Iwaizumi looked at the clock and it was already 9:48 p.m. Should they stay out now? He looked at Oikawa. "The day is supposed to end magically.", Tooru explained with a smile. Iwaizumi looked into the horizon. "Then let's make this day our special day, idiot."


	15. save you

Iwaizumi noticed that Oikawa was even more tired than usual. "Are you sure you still want to be outside?" he asked him. Oikawa nodded slightly but Iwaizumi took his hand and stopped him that way. "We're going to Osaka soon, aren't we? Let's pick the date so that there will be fireworks. We can just watch the stars in Osaka then.", Iwaizumi said. Oikawa yawned and looked at him tiredly. "Did your tongue piercing hurt that much?", Hajime then wanted to know. Tooru shook his head. "I don't know why I'm so tired," he muttered. "Then let's go home quickly, shall we? The stars won't run away, I promise."

Oikawa flung himself into bed with Iwaizumi's sweatpants and T-shirt. Hajime hadn't changed yet and saw Oikawa hugging a pillow. "Did you send a message at home that you're staying here today?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa nodded. "Iwa-chan?". Hajime looked at Oikawa. Tooru opened his mouth slightly and stuck out his tongue. "Does the tongue piercing look really good?" he asked, showing him his tongue again. Iwazumi blushed slightly and then nodded. "Your fans will all love it, I'm sure," he replied and sighed. Oikawa tapped next to him. "Would you like to join me?" he wanted to know. Iwaizumi shook his head and yawned once. "I'm going to take a bath before I come," he replied. Oikawa nodded and took out his cell phone. "Take your time."

Oikawa looked at pictures and videos from their childhood. They were beautiful pictures. He smirked when he noticed that Iwaizumi had some kind of patches on each picture. "He was always out on some hunt, too," he muttered, continuing to scroll. Short shorts, T-shirt, a branch or a landing net, flip-flops and several bandages on his face was his typical look. He always looked like this - whether at school, at home, at a restaurant or with his family. There wasn't a day that he didn't collect insects. He was a pure child of nature, which often put spiders in Oikawa's backpack to scare him. Oikawa was not afraid of spiders, but suddenly seeing some in his bag had always scared him anyway. He shook his head with a grin. When Iwaizumi and Oikawa first saw each other, Iwaizumi didn't have a single prejudice. And that was despite the fact that they were so different. Oikawa knew by now that this was Hajime's way. Although his family was more likely to pay attention to such things, Iwaizumi did everything he could not to judge anyone. Not until he could see for himself what a person was like. And that already as a child. While Iwaizumi was full of injuries at the first meeting and his clothes were full of dirt, Oikawa didn't have a single scratch. He wasn't even dirty. Nevertheless, Hajime invited him to plant flowers with him. That day, Oikawa came home dirtier than ever.

Nevertheless, he never saw Iwaizumi cry. He fell down trees, slipped all the time, fell into rivers or slammed to the ground because Oikawa fell on him, and he never cried. Was that because he was strong or had he gotten used to such small injuries? Because when Oikawa had hurt his knee, Iwaizumi had cried. Not very much. It was hardly noticed, but while he was shouting at him to take more care of himself, Oikawa saw tears flowing. He was always worried about him. Whether they were outside as a child and Iwaizumi was trying to protect him from everything or they were at school and Oikawa was overexerting himself, he always put Oikawa above himself. He hated that some thought he was rough with him. He was an idiot who couldn't show he cared, but he had never been too rough. Not once.

"Do you like to take a bath in the morning too?" asked Iwaizumi as he came out freshly dressed. Oikawa nodded and watched Iwaizumi join him. "Is everything okay?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. Oikawa nodded again and stared at Hajime. "You look just like you did when you were a kid," he muttered. Iwaizumi slapped him lightly on the head. "Not at all, idiot," he replied."Yes, you have hardly grown and your face is almost the same, too. Well, it's narrower and more prominent now, but otherwise...". "I've grown, shittykawa!" Oikawa rolled his eyes. "You were taller than me, Iwa-chan," was all he meant. Iwaizumi pulled himself together not to comment anything stupid. "You pretty much look like you used to, too, fucking oikawa." he said. Oikawa shrugged his shoulders. "I've grown and my fingers aren't quite as slender anymore," he muttered, looking at his hands. "Also, my face has become more prominent, too," he added. Iwaizumi sighed. "Still, we haven't changed much."

Oikawa rested his head on Iwaizumi's shoulder and closed his eyes. "What time do you have to go to the university tomorrow?" he wanted to know. "11 a.m.," Hajime answered quietly. Oikawa sighed. "Do you want me to stay again until you come and motivate you?" he asked him. Iwaizumi nodded. "I would honestly appreciate that, Tooru."

The two were silent. Hajime listened to Oikawa's regular breathing, which calmed him down a lot. It showed him that he was asleep. He hesitated as he lightly squeezed Oikawa's cheeks so his mouth would open. He didn't understand why a single piercing made such a difference. Would the tattoo change anything more? Was it bad that he thought the piercing suited Oikawa? Probably not. It had been no secret that his best friend was pretty. Everyone knew that. He had never seen anyone who thought Oikawa was ugly. Could anyone blame them? He was not this "hot" but really pretty. Iwaizumi was already used to people recognizing Oikawa and not him during his school days. He never found it bad because Oikawa seemed to enjoy the attention. But this attention had put pressure on him over time. That attention eventually broke him. Iwaizumi sighed and let go of Oikawa's face. He would help him like he had promised. "Even if I have to kill someone for it, Tooru..." he began softly. "Even then, I will save you."


	16. marriage

Iwaizumi spent the next few weeks finishing his essay and revising it. Meanwhile, Oikawa was almost always with him and actually tried to help him where he could but 9 days ago he went to Nagano with his family because a cousin of his was getting married and he would not be back until tomorrow. Iwaizumi sat on the sofa and sighed. He had spent the day looking for a hotel in Osaka that he could afford. It wasn't that Iwaizumi's family had money problems - on the contrary. His parents wanted him to concentrate completely on his studies, which was why they didn't want him to work. They wanted to pay for everything for him, which he thought was pretty crappy. He was not allowed to do more than help the volleyball team of the elementary school from time to time, but he had saved what he was forced to get there. He wanted to pay for the trip himself, since Oikawa would have chosen something unnecessarily expensive. They would leave in a week and Iwaizumi was excited, but also disappointed that he had not managed to be in Osaka on New Year's Day. Due to school stress, he couldn't plan the trip for New Year's Eve, so they were even separated on that day. He closed his eyes and thought about how he and his best friend had made an extra phone call so that they could still be together somehow. Although he was sad about it, he understood why his family wanted to celebrate with him. After all, he had been in Argentina for 3 years and since he had returned to Japan, he had been with Iwaizumi all the time.

Nevertheless, he enjoyed spending time with Oikawa. He was exhausting in the long run, but in the last 3 years he noticed that he often missed that exhausting nature. Maybe that was what cheered Iwaizumi up. He stared at his cell phone as if waiting for a call from Oikawa. "He's probably at his cousin's," he muttered, biting his lower lip. Should he call him anyway? Just to say a quick hello? He clicked on Oikawa's contact and stared at it thoughtfully. He was so lost in thought that he dropped his phone when it rang. He picked it up and saw that Oikawa was calling. "Thank you for making this decision for me," he mumbled and picked up. "Iwa-chan?" whispered Oikawa. He sounded a little shaky. "Is everything okay?", Iwaizumi asked without hesitation. Oikawa coughed briefly and Iwaizumi heard him take a deep breath. "Can you pick me up from home tomorrow?", Oikawa wanted to know, ignoring Iwaizumi's question. "Of course I can do that. What time will you be back tomorrow? Did something happen? Tooru, have you been crying?" again he heard a cough and deep sigh. "Around 1 p.m. I'm annoyed that's all. Are you okay without me? Are you eating something decent?". He distracted the topic. "You sound like my mother, idiot. Yeah, I can cook, too. Not well, but I can!" he replied. "I have to hang up again. I just wanted to hear your voice, Hajime."

Since that phone call, Oikawa ignored his messages. It was just after 1 p.m. and Iwaizumi was standing outside Oikawa's house waiting. He should have gone to the university, but since they were not compulsory classes, he couldn't. He was worried about Oikawa, but he was glad that he had contacted him. Oikawa had finally told him again that he was not well. He had confided in him. Smiling slightly, he sat down on a bench. He wondered if Oikawa had had a fight with his parents. After all, they didn't even seem to be back yet so Oikawa wanted to leave before he could unpack. This was quite untypical behavior for him, since he always got along with his parents really well. After all, his mother was an angel - how could he not get along with her? Iwaizumi saw the garage open and the family car drive in. He stood up and looked at the car waiting. He wasn't sure if it was rude to just wait like that. Oikawa's family often thought of him as their own son, but in a situation like this, he was still insecure. He saw Oikawa get out and walked slowly toward him. "Wait there, Iwaizumi." said Oikawa, taking out his suitcase. "I'll bring the suitcase inside and then come to you."

The two walked in silence side by side. Iwaizumi was more nervous than usual because Oikawa did not seem sad but very cold. This was exactly how he didn't know Oikawa, because he usually tried to hide his feelings or let them out completely. He was never particularly 'cold'. He was afraid to say something wrong now or somehow react in a way that made Oikawa feel uncomfortable, because that was the last thing he wanted. "I'm sorry I didn't message you back.", Oikawa mumbled, looking at him from the side. "Do you want to talk about what happened?", Iwaizumi hesitantly wanted to know. Oikawa sighed and looked up. "My sister got married young. Basically just like my mother, father and most of my family. They all expect me to get married even at a young age and stress me out about it," he told him. Iwaizumi could hardly imagine that, since Tooru was still really young. "But they can't decide something like that for you. If you don't want to get married yet, that's the way it is," he said carefully. "As you say, I don't even want to get married yet, and even if I did, it's not like I have anyone to marry. It pisses me off to hear that I'd be better off in a marriage and never have to be alone again. That's not how life works," he replied, rolling his eyes. Iwaizumi nodded in understanding. "Don't think about it so much, will you?" he commented. "They'll keep annoying me with it.". Iwaizumi sighed and stopped. "Then you just tell them that your best friend would be too jealous, that he would have to share you."


	17. my reason

Oikawa actually had to smile a little. "Do you really want to confirm Takeru's suspicions that far?" he wanted to know and sighed. "I just want them to stop," he added. "Try to talk to them calmly about it. Not an argument - just a conversation.", Iwaizumi replied with a slight smile. Oikawa looked up at the sky. "How easy life would be up there."

After that day, the two had not exchanged a word. Iwaizumi didn't know how to deal with Oikawa after Oikawa mentioned that life would be easier in heaven. He felt bad because he was supposed to be there for him, yet at that moment he didn't know how. How could he help him when Oikawa's look revealed that he was done with life? Can you really change someone's mind like that? Iwaizumi looked at his suitcase. Would he live for Oikawa if nothing else would keep him alive? He didn't want to have to answer that question. He wouldn't want to let Oikawa down, but he didn't know what it was like to have no reason to live. Iwaizumi could not imagine this situation. Even as a child, he preferred to grow very old. He sighed and closed his eyes. "As a child, this idiot wanted to grow old, too," he muttered. Wasn't it selfish to want Oikawa to live for him? No. That wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to help him live on his own.

"There you are finally," Iwaizumi said, waving to Oikawa. It was Friday, February 5, and the two of them planned to stay in Osaka until February 7. That was later than planned, but Iwaizumi preferred that Oikawa settle his problems first before leaving again. Otherwise, he would never be able to enjoy Osaka. He could still set the date so that they could attend the snow festival. Thus, there would be fireworks, which he really wanted to see with his best friend. Unfortunately, there wasn't much snow, however, Iwaizumi was much more concerned with the fireworks. "I'm sorry I wasn't there earlier," Oikawa apologized, grabbing the back of his head. "At least I'm on time, right?" he was right. The train wasn't here yet so it was on time.

Oikawa sat down by the window and leaned his head against it. "The train goes directly to Osaka so it takes about 2 1/2 hours to get there. From there, we're welcome to take a cab to the hotel and drop off our stuff. If you're not knackered after that, we could go and see some sights.", Iwaizumi said to his friend and sat down next to him. "We could go to Osaka Castle," Oikawa suggested. Iwaizumi nodded and looked at Oikawa. "How are you?" he wanted to know. "Quite okay. I'm a little tired, but everything else is fine.", Oikawa mumbled and closed his eyes. Was he mad because Iwaizumi had avoided him? That had never been his intention. He didn't want to avoid, hurt, or upset Oikawa, but he was afraid to speak up. He bit his lower lip and nudged Oikawa once. "Do you want to listen to music with me?" he asked him. Tooru's expression brightened. " Of course I want to!" he said, digging out his earphones. "What song do you want to listen to?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. "How about Yoru Ga Akeru?", the setter suggested and plugged in his earphones. Iwaizumi nodded. "I'll trust you with your music for once."

His music was really nice. Iwaizumi didn't know what it felt like, but it was pleasant. It was as if he was in another universe. At the song Fuyu no Hanashi, Iwaizumi noticed that Oikawa was shaking and took his hand to make him feel comfortable. He didn't know what about that song had made him shake, but he wanted to end it. He wanted to enjoy this moment with Oikawa without feeling bad about anything. Iwaizumi wanted Tooru's smile to finally be real again. He couldn't wait to see the sparkle in his eyes again.

"Hajime?" said Oikawa as he entered the hotel room. "There's only a single bed.". Iwaizumi nodded. " It was cheaper.", he explained. Oikawa looked at him in confusion. "I could have paid too I- should I sleep on the sofa?". Iwaizumi shook his head. "Tooru, the bed is the same size as my bed at home. You slept next to me there without any problem, didn't you? What's the problem today?" he wanted to know. Oikawa shrugged his arms uncertainly. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable," he muttered. "You partially ended up sleeping on me when you were a kid. I'm not going to feel uncomfortable about something like that, dumbass."

The setter threw himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "There's a park at Osaka Castle, isn't there?" he wanted to know. "Yes, if you like we can walk around there a bit.", Iwaizumi replied and sat down on the bed. " We can do that if you like, yes. Fresh air is always good.", Oikawa said and pressed a pillow against his upper body. Iwaizumi pulled the pillow away from him and smirked slightly. "If we laze around now, it'll get really dark," he complained and stood up. Oikawa sighed and sat up. "But we're not doing much today, are we? I want to go to sleep early tonight.", he said and slowly got up. "You got it, idiot. Now put on a jacket again and let's go before it gets late after all."

The drive to Osaka Castle took half an hour. In those 30 minutes, Oikawa was determined to identify everything he recognized on the road. "Shall we go for a walk first?", Hajime wanted to know after he got out of the taxi. Oikawa nodded and looked him in the eye. "I've thought about some things," Oikawa started and walked off. Iwaizumi walked beside him and looked at him questioningly. "Until you find a reason to live for me..." he said, then fell silent. He took a deep breath and looked up with his eyes closed. "Until you find a reason to live for me, you will be my reason to live, Hajime."


	18. Plans

Hajime looked down at the ground. "Is it what you want?", Iwaizumi wanted to know. "I want to take the burden off you. I don't want you to break yourself to help me. You alone are a huge help to me, Iwaizumi.", Oikawa replied. "But let's not keep talking about that kind of thing, okay? Just know that I'm lucky to have a best friend like you."

Just as Oikawa suggested, neither of them had talked about this topic again. On the contrary - they had taken some pictures in and in front of Osaka Castle and Oikawa was excited every five minutes because he had discovered something new. Almost like a little kid who was out for the first time. But that was good. It distracted Oikawa. It might have brought him closer to a meaning of life.

That night, Iwaizumi and Oikawa lay next to each other in bed, and it was the first time in a long time that Oikawa didn't fall right asleep. He couldn't fall asleep either - in fact, he was very restless. He had a bad feeling. It was as if his heart would explode. Not because something had happened. It was more like the situation was not going to end well. Was it fear? Was he afraid that his best friend would simply kill himself after all? What if Oikawa was already sure that he would end it all? Why was Iwaizumi now afraid that he could not help him? He had promised him. It wasn't like he had any other choice. He had to save him. He had to give him several more years to live. Of course, this life would not be perfect, but it would be worth living. Would trips be enough for that? He didn't know. He didn't know what else to do. How was he supposed to make a person who felt empty feel normal again?

"Iwa-chan.", Oikawa murmured, turning to him. Iwaizumi was startled slightly. "Can't you sleep?", Iwaizumi wanted to know and looked at him. "I've been having bad dreams for the past few days and somehow I can't fall asleep now," Oikawa said quietly. "Do you want me to get you something warm to drink?". Oikawa shook his head and yawned. "Can I hold your hand?" asked Oikawa after almost hesitating. Iwaizumi looked at him in wonder. "Why?". Oikawa reached out to take Iwaizumi's hand. "You used to do that when you were a kid, and it always helped me then," he explained. Iwaizumi immediately understood what he meant. It didn't happen often, but as a child he often offered his hand to Oikawa to protect him. He smirked slightly. "As if a hand would be enough to protect someone," he murmured and took Oikawa's hand. With his other hand, he lightly went through Oikawa's hair. "I'll protect you, idiot. Now sleep.", he whispered and started stroking Oikawa's hand with his thumb. He didn't know if that was really reassuring, but it had helped in the past. Maybe his friend would really feel safer and therefore fall asleep.

Not for a second had Oikawa let go of Iwaizumi's hand. He held it tightly as if he was afraid that Iwaizumi would leave him, and not only at night. They spent the day in Dotonbori, a neighborhood in Osaka with a lot of restaurants and stores, and Oikawa insisted from the beginning to the end that they hold hands. His reasoning for this was that this neighborhood was very busy and they shouldn't lose each other, but Iwaizumi felt that Oikawa was extremely afraid of losing him.

"The fireworks will start in about two hours. Where are we going to watch it?", Oikawa wanted to know when they arrived back in front of the hotel. "You noticed some stairs leading up to a hill on the drive today, didn't you? I've got some plans and I'd say we'll meet there in a bit less than two hours. It's 5 p.m now and at almost before 7 p.m we could meet, couldn't we?", suggested Iwaizumi. Oikawa nodded, a bit puzzled. "You have something planned? In Osaka?" he said, then shook his head. "Then I'll pass the time a bit. Take care of yourself, Iwa-chan." he then said and smiled. "Take care of yourself too.", Iwaizumi replied and turned around. Oikawa's smile looked more fake than ever.

It was 6:42 p.m and Iwaizumi was waiting for Oikawa. He hadn't prepared much - just spread out a blanket and put small-cut canned fruit on it. In his bag were also two bottles of iced tea, sandwiches and another blanket to cover themselves with in case it got too cold.

He took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. Although it wasn't that late, it was already dark and the stars were showing. "I wonder if he got lost," Iwaizumi wondered quietly. It wouldn't be out of character, since Oikawa sometimes genuinely got lost in places where you couldn't get lost. There could really be signs that would lead you anywhere and he would still go in exactly the wrong direction. Was it stupid to let him wander around alone in Osaka, a huge city? He sighed. Oikawa wasn't a kid anymore - if he got lost, he would call him, wouldn't he? He wasn't that stupid.

A few minutes later he did indeed come, but not alone. Next to him were two girls with whom he seemed to be having a good conversation. Iwaizumi closed his eyes slowly and opened them again. Was that really Oikawa? Why was he with girls? " It was kind of obvious," he muttered. Oikawa always made friends everywhere. It was impossible that he ever didn't get along with someone. Surely there were girls who knew him. Usually it didn't bother him so why was he offended? "Why today?" he wondered. "Why did you have to come with two girls today of all days?"


End file.
